“You want too much.”

How is that possible, to want too much? I want what I want, I can’t help it or control it.

“You need to lower your expectations. Understand there is no one capable of fulfilling those needs. It isn’t their fault. It isn’t your fault. It is just one of those universal ‘is’ things.”

Bullshit. Bull. Shit.

“Or you can keep expecting, and be prepared to be battered. Live your life like a heart patient on the table, chest cracked, organ exposed where everyone can watch it beat and bleed.”

These can’t be my only choices. I could just be normal.

“That is normal. It’s how humanity survives, by lowering expectation.”

Fuck.

“Can you do it?”

No. Yes. I don’t know. What choice do I have?

“Are you afraid of feeling?”

Yes. It never feels good. It’s always raw. Deep. It always twists.

“You could always check out.”

But I might miss something better.

“Yes. But it’s quiet over there.”

I’d only fuck it up. End up a vegetable.

“You live in fear.”

I know.

“Take things at face value. Learn to live on the surface. Appreciate those on the surface with you, and understand they’re doing the best they can. Just like you. It’s all anyone can do. And if you must go spelunking, find someone you can tie in to, someone who will wait at the top and pull you back up when you tug the rope.”

Yes. Okay.

“I’m here for you.”

Am I schizophrenic?

“No. Self-aware. You’ll be okay. Lower expectations and you’ll be fine.”

Yeah. I’ll be fine.

6 thoughts on “Inner Dialogue

    1. Thank you, I’m happy to help 😉 I think a lot of us feel crazy… but it turns out it’s a pretty universal battle. At least I suspect so. 🙂

      Like

      1. We get so hung up on the unattainable fantasy that we forget to make the most of where we are! If we keep doing what we can with what we got – we may end up in a greater place than we ever imagined! Maybe I am reading too much into your post, but that is what I took from it —and Thank you for making my day start correctly!!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s