“You said I broke your heart. I want to know how.”

“It’s not important. And I didn’t say you, specifically.”

“Are you excusing me now?”

“No.”

“If I hurt you, you need to tell me. Give me the right to defend myself or apologize.”

“I don’t want you to have to do either – no, don’t touch me.”

“Why not? I’m going to screw up sometimes. And so are you.”

“I don’t do anything but.”

“Stop.”

“It feels that way. I’m not being self-pitying. I’m just stating fact. And I think my heart is too easily fractured at times. Most of the time, actually.”

“So it’s your fault that I did or said something you found hurtful.”

“…”

“Hm.”

“…”

“You need to hold others as accountable for themselves as you do yourself. Usually it’s the other way around. People lay blame everywhere but where it belongs. I’ve never known a person to take responsibility for so much.”

“Okay. Fine. You hurt me.”

“Good. And?”

“I expect too much from you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“How would you know? I haven’t told you a fraction of what I expect from you. Which is why it’s not your fault I got hurt.”

“Tell me what you expect from me.”

“I don’t-”

“Look at me. Look at me and tell me. What are you afraid of?”

“That you won’t feel the same.”

“What I feel in return doesn’t lessen what you’re feeling.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Of course not.”

“It puts me in a position of vulnerability. I don’t want to talk about this any more. How’s your daughter?”

“What’s wrong with being vulnerable?”

“I said-”

“I heard what you said. Answer my question. And stop looking away.”

“Everything. Everything’s wrong with being vulnerable. I don’t do vulnerable. Ever. Not with you. Not with him. Not with anybody.”

“Hm.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

“You’re very uncomfortable.”

“No shit.”

“My daughter’s fine. And I feel a lot for you, too.”

“…”

“Why don’t you ever take me at my word?”

“I don’t know.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“I don’t know.”

“No. I haven’t.  But I know one thing.”

“What?”

“This isn’t going to work if you don’t knock a doorway in those walls you got going on.”

“You’re seeing more of me this minute than anyone ever has. I don’t get naked with people.”

“We’re naked together. That levels the field.”

“Not even close.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re gorgeous.”

“And that’s different from you how?”

“Shut up.”

“You need to learn to take a compliment.”

“…”

“And this kind of naked is easy. No, it is! This is easy compared to letting someone into your heart.”

“Yeah.”

“So how about that door?”

“How about you fuck me?”

“Yes. Gladly. But this isn’t over.”

“Good.”

5 thoughts on “3. Conversationally Speaking

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