I haven’t won many things in my lifetime. I’ve won a few friends, and a few more enemies. I’ve won writing contests and art challenges and word wars. I’ve won a few fights, but not as many as I lost. I’ve won affection, envy, lust, and a scar here and there. It’s been a pretty even mix.

That winning has a downside is something no one mentions, but has always floated on the periphery of my personal experience. Being a winner is a positive thing, something to be proud of, to celebrate, to share. I was taught to be a gracious loser. A good sport. Because the hard truth of life is, we’re going to spend more time on the losing end of things, but it’s important to be happy for the one who wins. To take it as a learning experience. Better yourself, try harder next time, and congratulate your opponent on a job well done, no matter haw badly you’re bleeding.

It was taught me as though that’s a hard lesson, losing gracefully. Drilled and hammered and driven into me with lectures and lessons. But that was the easy part for me.

I’m inherently uncomfortable with winning.

It’s not because I think I’m undeserving. The times I did win, I worked hard for it. I gave it my all. I played fairly, and was hopefully judged so.

But if I win, someone else loses. Someone who worked just as hard, and wanted it every bit as badly as myself. Is it shame I feel? Shame that I did it better?

They say winning and losing shapes a person, that each is good for you in its own way. It’s important to be as gracious in victory as in loss. Personally? I’d rather hand you the title and praise you for a job well done. Because you deserve it.

I wonder if I’m alone in this?

 

30 thoughts on “The Downside of Winning

  1. Ha, you pretty much described me here. Even before I got to the last paragraph, I though, oh, I’d much rather watch someone else who is happy for the win. LOL. For me, I think it’s because I feel other people’s emotions just as strongly as my own, and if I think I did something to make someone else upset, it hurts me more than whatever disappointment I might be feeling inside. It doesn’t make sense in a contest, right? But that’s how I am. So why even enter? I don’t know, lol! Also, since I’m shy, I just don’t want anybody looking at me! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am definitely less shy online. Writing is a lot easier. But I still get that fleeting uncomfortable feeling sometimes…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Perhaps the best and most intimate writing you’ve done here on your site that I have read since we met.
    Much Respect
    Ronovan

    By the way,
    I am enjoying your book and as soon as I can I will put a review out and send you interview questions for my site. Another of my Team is reading it and may give a female review of it.

    Like

  3. I like the the challenge of trying – not necessarily win, per se, but doing the best I can. When I have won, I find it is damn hard to top it – always having to be better than one’s last great achievement and there is one other thing – the let down afterward. Huge emotional let down after the emotional high. It sucks. :).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I enjoy being challenged. Definitely. That’s how we grow. Always stretching, reaching for the light. And though it sucks, the let down I think is what pushes us to try for the next thing. It does suck though. For sure 🙂 Thanks Kimberley 🙂 I hope things are looking up for you.

      Like

  4. I can really emphasize with how you feel. When I was younger and playing competitive sports, I also had these ambivalent feelings. I guess that lack of killer instinct is why I never achieved my full potential. I think this ambivalence to competition plays out on so many different levels and playing fields, not least of which is the blogosphere. …or perhaps even work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Gail, it absolutely affects every part of life where interaction with others is concerned. Right down to sex.

      As a child when playing any sort of games with others, very early on, I would always allow the younger ones, or the stronger personalities, to win. I never felt good about myself otherwise.

      Thanks, hon 🙂

      Like

    1. Yep, I know this about you 😉 Oddly enough, I seem drawn to people who are fiercely competetive… maybe it’s self-serving? We both get what we want? You the win, and me the joy of watching you win. Thanks, sis 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dammit! Hit post too soon!

    I say enjoy winning, you earned it. The people you beat, they might have wanted it as badly, but they simply didn’t put in the work needed to win. If that sounds callous, I don’t intend it to. It’s about valuing your own effort and worth. That’s my take on it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s also a very good point. And no, I don’t think it’s callous at all.

      I should also say that, yes, I am proud of my ‘success.’ This blog, for instance. My book. These are things I’m winning at, but not at anyone else’s expense. So it is, literally, win-win 😉 LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  6. this was such a great post because it leaves you thinking way after the last comment has been posted!

    So I was thinking. ..I wonder if those that fall into the “winning is pure satisfaction” camp are primarily the dominants in this world, and the subs are typically in the group which you described so eloquently ie making sure our opposite number is pleased is just as important as the self satisfaction of the winner. (Not that I would characterize all dommes/doms as selfish and self indulgent 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hm, very interesting point! Although I identify somewhat as a Domme in some areas, but perhaps because I can go either way it would not apply.

      I love that this post was thought provoking! Haha! I had no idea it would get such response when I wrote it…

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s