On Hooking Up

I wonder if it might surprise my readers to know that I’ve never done a random ‘hook up.’

This was brought to mind by the TMI Tuesday prompt today, which I was intending to participate in. But given the subject matter, well, there’s nothing to tell.

I have often wondered if my lack of hooking up is simply a matter of poor logistics/opportunity. The majority of my characters, which in a sense are just extensions of my own buried psyche, would be all up in that shit, and often are! But I think what it comes down to is, without an emotional connection, there is no sex for me. I can’t use a man’s body without wondering about his mind, his heart, his past life, his future dreams. And I can’t give myself without those parts of me coming out. Because sex is mental. Yes, that goes there, or there, or there… but if I’m not connecting with you on another level, there won’t be any enjoyment. And likely a whole lot of regret.

Love,
Felicity

55 thoughts on “On Hooking Up

  1. I was going to say you aren’t alone on this one but then I thought long and hard about that one time I did. Weirdest shit I have ever done lol never again. If a woman isn’t feeling it then neither am I.

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      1. I don’t have an issue with either but a connection definitely allows you to enjoy the act more. I’d prefer no connection because then the woman wouldn’t be so clingy but then that comes at the expense of a wet vagina. She’s dry as fuck without a connection. It blows my mind at the amount of women that hook up with strangers. Even I know that won’t go too well for them and I’m a man lol

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  2. I wonder where sex with friends falls under this category. If a hook-up is sex outside of a committed/dating relationship… I think it’s maybe a little different…if you love someone as a friend? Hmm.

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      1. I think it’s different…certainly different than if you never expect to see the person again and have never shared any part of your life with them before you share your body. And you can be in a committed friendship, right? LOL.
        I think sometimes this is like a “the grass is greener” type thing. Now that I’m older, I kinda would like to have done a bunch more stuff when I was younger…but who knows…if I had, maybe I’d be regretting that.

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      2. I’ve been envious of those types of ‘open’ friendships, to be honest. I think it’s a cool idea. And yes, I think you very much can have a commited friendship – in fact, I firmly believe that a relationship doesn’t work nearly as well, if at all, without friendship as it’s base. Let’s face it; love is a fickle mistress. Give me friendship any day.

        That’s still a connection, in my book. I care deeply about my friends. And yeah, I’ve wanted to fuck a few of them πŸ˜‰

        I’d have been a great candidate for one of those free love societies in the ’60’s πŸ˜‰

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      3. Oh, me too! Commune here I come! πŸ™‚

        I agree about friendship- I think it’s the basis of most great loving relationships. Because, let’s face it, most of the time in a relationship is not about sex. There is only so much time you can spend in bed(or wherever, lol). If you can’t stand each other when you’re not fucking, things are bound to go downhill fast.

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      4. You know what’s funny? I could not stand my husband at first! LOL, great big arrogant ass, he was! I’m the type of girl who hangs around guys more than girls, at least when I was younger, and he was in the group I hung with in college. Liked everyone else but him! πŸ™‚ I guess he grew on me… πŸ˜›

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    1. Thanks, hon! In a world where connection itself has become disconnected (speaking of social media, specifically, where you can psuedo-connect) it’s good to know that there are a few people who still feel this way.

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    1. Well, that was his problem. There’s no shame in needing more from people. I do sometimes envy those who can pull it off; I just can’t, and that’s ok πŸ™‚ I like to think I’m worth the trouble! lol

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      1. Yes it was. He wasn’t a punk or anything about it. But I know it was a rough evening LOL. I used to envy it when I was newly divorced, but now that I’m remarried, I’m glad I couldn’t do it. I’m positive I would’ve regretted it. My husband regrets his dalliances of his youth and I’m glad I didn’t have those. We are definitely worth the trouble. πŸ™‚

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      1. na really,
        it is good to know there are still people who are capable of exiting sex without the detachment. In fact, even if it is just a one night stand, it must have some deeper attraction to be good, I cannot imagine it otherwise.
        I do think you could get deeply attracted by someone’s mind, heart of past, as you have put it, in a very quick time and then let go. Problem is, most people use sex as another form of escapism. Like FB or something.
        Such of waste of good energy, and surely good receipt for sex.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ah, well said! And exactly what I was saying in my post… I think I managed to come off as a prude (me? HA! πŸ˜‰ )

        Even if I meet someone at a bar, if I feel attraction, it’s not going to be to his physicality. Always secondary with me. It will be something in his eyes, or the way he speaks that gets the ball rolling.

        I’m a woman. Not an animal. But I can play an animal when things are right πŸ˜‰

        I think if more people understood this, the world would be a happier place…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Well, I always say I am a liberal conservative
        you could be a sexual prude, why not? Well, prude isn’t really the right word.

        As for you last comment – if more of us would try to live rather then to escape life, if more of us would have tried to give a hand to their fears, walk with it for a bit, to see if those shadows are really what they seem, then we would live in Utopia, or in Heaven.

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      4. Like my teacher says there are five things help increase serotonin.
        In it would be best to combine them all together πŸ™‚

        (btw – do you ever sleep, or always writing, answering?. Sometimes I am almost tempted to think you have to made all those things up for lack of time)

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      5. Haha! I do sleep, though never as much as I’d like πŸ˜‰ I am currently unemployed, so my days are my own, mostly… and I’m a fast typist. I keep hoping my writing will begin to support me at some point, so I can do more of it… But it’s something I’ll do regardless, even if I find myself living in a box under a bridge πŸ˜‰

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  3. There always has to be a connection. That could be instant or something picked up overtime. The most pleasure I get is seeing and feeling the pleasure I give.
    Sex with love is fantastic but love isn’t a pre-req. You can’t love everyone but you can be attracted to many. That’s what makes life and sex so fascinating.

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  4. I share a lot of similar feelings. Those that I tend to have sex with are lovers or friends that I’ve tended to know for several years before moving into the physical stage of things.

    While I have no issues with the concept of hooking up morally I tend to want / need the emotional connection which doesn’t really seem to happen with people I don’t know very well. Perhaps one day I’ll find an exception but I haven’t yet.

    Some small part of me wonders what I’m missing but the rest of me is often content otherwise.

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  5. I had one, once. I still to this day do not know why I went to this guy’s house at 1am, other than I was awake, and 2 of my friends were at his house. They were drunk and sleeping on the couch when I got there. Ended up in the guy’s bedroom, at 2am. We had sex. I was fully dressed again and back in my car by 2.15am.
    I’ve been trying to forget ever since. It didn’t mean anything, I never saw him again, and I’m glad there was no kissing.

    I’d never done anything like that before and it’s so extremely unlike me, it’s been 4 years and I still don’t understand it. lol

    Liked by 1 person

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