Blame

I drink. A lot. Not that much, but enough, enough to numb the bad feelings. Too many bad feelings, watching you leave. It’s your fault, you’re the reason I’m here, feet dangling over the edge. I watch them below, like ants crawling across the sidewalk, and I drink some more. I drink tonight at sunset with pigeons as partners, cooing their disapproval and shitting on my ledge.

It’s your fault that I’m here. Ultimatums are for people who don’t trust. I thought you trusted me. Trusted that I wouldn’t hurt, or take advantage. So I drink. You cheat. Cheating hurts. You cheat and then give this fucking ultimatum, you think you can bargain your way back in, you think what I do is justification for your bad behavior.

I drink in hopes the decision will be made for me. And that I won’t feel the landing. I’m not sure this bottle is big enough for the scope of my problems, it hasn’t yet erased you from my mind. I know this is a ‘no return’ moment, the second one this week. The first was finding you buried in another pussy. I could have possibly come back from that. But not from the dead look when you met my eyes. Your lack of shame, of regret, of remorse. If you knew me like you say you do, you’d have known the word to turn it around then.

Yeah, I drink. But this? This is my last one.

12 thoughts on “Blame

  1. Hmm… pretty intense, but I wouldn’t have minded more focus on the drinking as the metaphor for broken love rather than other metaphors to describe drinking as a metaphor for broken love. I guess it got strung out even though it’s a short piece but the imagery is still so intense — in a good way!

    Like

  2. I see another commentator said “imagery” that was the word I was trying to find, strong imagery, with your words you can picture the story in your mind, and the drinking……humm, if you´re not talking about yourself much better cause that drinking got me chronic pancreatitis, not cool.

    Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s